The same crosswalk.

I’ve lived in the same dormitory for three years. I walk the same paths to get to my classes, to go to lunch, dinner, everything. My dorm is across campus so I have to walk across the street to get on campus.

There’s this cross walk that everyone uses that lives in the same dormitory as I do to get where they need to go. You simply press a button and the lights turn red, signaling the cars to stop so that pedestrians may cross the street safely.

I’ve used it over, and over, and over. There are times where I’m crossing and a car is just barely coming to a stop as I’m crossing the street. I would always think, “Wow, that dumb car barely stopped in time to not run over me.” but now it’s more like I notice that the car had almost hit me but I don’t really feel any particular way about it. I just continue my strides to the other side of the street and go about my day. Three years ago, that would of probably terrified me. Now I’m at the point to where I’m almost curious as to what it would be like if that car hadn’t stopped in time and actually did hit me.

It’s not that I would purposely be careless while walking across the street to get run over, of course not. But if I’m being careful, which I always am, and a care happens to hit because of their reckless driving, then by all means.

You live in the same place for years, have the same routine, go through the same paths, see the same people over and over again. But then you cross that cross walk and think, what would getting hit by a car do to me that hasn’t already happened to me before?

End it all with out any more worries, stress, or heavy responsibilities?

You live the same life over and over, you’ve visited all hurt, fear, disappointment, and anxiety before numerous times that nothing really makes you feel anything anymore.

So then I lay on my bed, wondering and thinking, all the years I’ve lived here, all the things I went through being here that I never want to revisit again, what I’ve accomplished, what’s still unfinished, and everything else that lies ahead of me, that maybe that crosswalk gives me some sort of relief.

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