On the edge.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Enough Is Enough.”

When was the last time you were ready to throw in the proverbial towel? Did you end up letting go, or decided to fight on anyway?

Letting go isn’t as easy as you think it is. It has always been incredibly hard for me to just simply let go and give up than it is to press on and keep trying.

I’m a junior in college and I’m very close to graduating. About another year or so. I’ve been through all kinds of obstacles, financial hardships, and breakdowns throughout my years here and I always think, why am I doing this? why don’t I just give up before I break completely and save myself now?

A year ago I was at my ends meet. I honestly couldn’t take anymore and didn’t want to take any more. My grades were dropping in 3 out of my 5 classes, those 3 being the more “important” classes due to them being degree requirements. I was so scared of failing, so scared of falling into this pit that I couldn’t dig myself out of.

I was studying for two exams one night, both were equally important and also equally challenging. At around two in the morning I felt like I couldn’t study anymore, I couldn’t process anymore information even if I wanted to. I was too overwhelmed and anxious about the upcoming exams, fearing every second that ticked to its time. I left my dorm and walked outside. It was very cold at the time but that didn’t bother me in the slightest in that moment of revelation. I sat on a bench and thought about what my next possible “move” is going to be. The only thing that swept through my mind, the only option and easiest way out I could think of was walking back up to my room, pack my bags, and leave for home for good. 

But what happened in reality? I went back, re-opened my books and began studying through what seemed like an endless night. Those thoughts chased me but I really just couldn’t actually do it. I’ve worked hard and then to just give up when I’m so close to the end? I can’t do it. Even though I so desperately want to end all of it with just a snap of my fingers, I’m still here. Still trying, still holding on to whatever is keeping me from falling.

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