I am just myself, A.K.A. my worst enemy.

Advertisements

Dreams pt. 1

Last night I had a relatively long dream. Usually my dreams don’t last that long, but this one was very continuous and realistic. When I wake up, I like to think about the dreams I had and wonder why I would dream about such things. I try to remember everything and find specific things in the dream that could symbolize something.

It was about one of my ex-best friends. I was walking around this really crowded street or sidewalk, waiting for someone. I was looking around and I see my ex-best friend’s brother. I thought to myself, she must be around here somewhere. I tried to leave the scene so I wouldn’t run into her, but as I was leaving I actually did bump into her. I paused and just kind of looked at her and she did the same thing. I remember saying how are you and she replied calmly. It seemed as though she was happy to see me. We walked the same way and kept talking and I said, “You know, I’ve really missed you.” and she didn’t say anything. I kept looking at her waiting for her to say something and then I said “Can we be friends again?” she still didn’t say anything. I was going to leave because I thought I was wasting my time actually believing we’d be friends again and then I hugged her as a goodbye, not knowing whether or whether not that was actually a good idea(For sure in real life I wouldn’t have done that) and then she returned the hug and hugged me harder and I was really surprised. I remember afterwards we were sitting at like a coffee shop and were just catching up. I was telling her all the things I’ve been going through and even what I thought after we weren’t friends anymore. I told her that I forgot about her and didn’t care anymore but then something would remind me of her and I’d think of the memories we’ve had and then I’d really miss her. And then I don’t know, I don’t think she really said anything while I was talking to her and saying all these things. I can’t remember if she did or didn’t. I mostly remember what I said and what I was doing. It was a really heart felt dream, actually. Just talking and her acting like how she was just made me so happy and unbelievable.

I know in reality though that we wouldn’t be friends again. She probably wouldn’t talk to me or anything. It’s true though, I do miss her. I wish our friendship didn’t end so abruptly, but it did. When I see or hear things that remind me of her, I think of the memories and would want her friendship back in my life. But you know, under the circumstances and what went on when it did end, there’s nothing I can do. She’s uncooperative and I can’t do a thing about that. Time goes on, and it’s okay. Though we may not be friends I still wish the best for her and whatever she does in life.

Deprived friendship

Lately I’ve been feeling deprived of my friends. I really want to see them and hang out, but I usually don’t make the effort to. I think mostly because I like to stay home and do nothing than go out of my way to get ready and leave to see them. I don’t know why I feel this way about that, it makes me feel like I’m kind of a terrible friend because I don’t want to make an effort and barely want to leave to see them. It’s not them, it’s just the way I feel about whenever I leave somewhere and interact for a while, which leaves me socially exhausted and I will want to hurry and go home to recharge. But usually when I hang out with my friends, I don’t mind being with them for hours and hours. It’s just the after effects of hanging out with them that I need to “recharge” for a while which usually means a couple of days or a week or two. Or maybe a month. I don’t know, I’m difficult. Also an introvert. Double whammy.

The summer song

We all have songs that remind us of specific periods and events in our lives. Twenty years from now, which song will remind you of the summer of 2014?

Not Going Back- Childish Gambino

The reason for this song being the summer song of 2014 is that recently I’ve been going through some changes and it really affected me emotionally and mentally. Childish Gambino is one of my favorite rappers and hearing this song really reflected what I thought about with all these changes in my life and that I didn’t want to go back to being miserable and unhappy and feel like a failure and keep blaming myself and always feel guilty. This summer I’ve been self-healing and learning to deal with issues positively for myself. Here’s a lyric that I feel best captures what I want people to know:

Please tell me you don’t want me to fail ’cause I’m not going back. I refuse to go back to not liking who I was.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/musical-marker/

Middle seat: Let’s hurry with the small talk.

It turns out that your neighbor on the plane/bus/train (or the person sitting at the next table at the coffee shop) is a very, very chatty tourist. Do you try to switch seats, go for a non-committal brief small talk, or make this person your new best friend?

I would go for a non-committal brief small talk with the tourist. I’d only lightly chat just to not be rude, but I’d definitely try to end the conversation very shortly as soon as it begins. I don’t really like to make small talk with strangers. I’m awkward, talking to a chatty stranger is awkward to me, I don’t like to be put in awkward situations. I’m an introvert, as soon as I give my short answers to whatever it is that we talk about, I’m out. I’ll put on my ear phones and listen to music to not be bothered anymore. Sorry, but that’s just me. Introvert 4 life. http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/middle-seat/